Apr 2021

When I Knew My Endo Was Real

  • By: Samantha Denäe

Throughout our experiences of living with Endometriosis, we are not exempt from the experiences we live through in other areas of our lives. There is life happening everyday as we suffer with the symptoms that Endometriosis brings. Here is a story of how Endometriosis and life happened at the same time and how we fight through it bravely and with resilience. 

"The first time I knew my Endo was real...

Almost three years ago, I woke up in pain and stayed in bed all day. I could barely move. Months earlier I had been diagnosed with IBS, but I knew this was something else. I was experiencing another flare and none of the 8 medications I was taking relieved my pain. The sun was going down and I had been trying to get out of bed all day, at least for a little bit to go grocery shopping, but I just couldn't. I narrowed down the list and I only needed one thing: milk for my son. I eventually broke down and asked my husband to run to the store. He happily obliged, asked if I needed anything and he took our son with him to Target since none of us had been out that day.

I stayed home with my mom, who had moved in with us just a couple of months prior due to her failing health, and tried to breath through the pain. I managed to doze off for a few minutes and then I heard my phone ring. Funny enough, throughout our entire relationship I've consistently missed my husband's calls when I'm home because I tend to keep my phone on silent, but recently had started turning my phone volume up whenever he left the house.

When I answered the phone I heard my husband's voice and I immediately knew something was wrong. He told me he had been pulled over for no reason and that the officer had a warrant for his arrest. He had me on speaker so that I could hear the exchange between he and the officer but suddenly we got disconnected. I immediately jumped on my feet, grabbed some clothes, called my neighbor and asked her to take me to my husband and son.

By the time we got into the car, my husband had called back and told me he was about to be arrested. I could hear my son crying in the background. My adrenaline was pumping through me as I was now in a panic. That 9 minute car ride was the longest car ride of my life. I stayed on the phone so that I could hear everything.

When we arrived my husband was in the back of a police SUV. A second officer had arrived at some point and was standing next to our family car just watching my son cry his eyes out. I ran over to the SUV and saw the pain in my husband's eyes. He said he was okay and told me to get our son and not to cry. I walked over to our car and proceeded to calm out son down. My mother stayed with him while I spoke to one of the police officers about what was going to happen next. My heart was pounding but I spoke calmly and nodded my head before getting into my car and following the police officers to the precinct.

My neighbor took my mother and son home and I proceeded down the dark highway with tears streaming down my face. It seemed like a long drive. The next thing I remember is walking through the huge doors of the building and approaching the metal detector. I was then told to wait to speak to the magistrate. I had no idea who that was or what that meant, but as a young black woman who was waiting to bail her black husband our of jail, there was a sense that I did know and was even familiar with the entire process due to the color of my skin. I was not. I was scared. No, terrified. I was cold, hungry, tired, and now, I was alone. Waiting. Not knowing what was happening to my husband. Two hours passed and I finally saw the magistrate. She spoke fast and again, she spoke to me as if I had been through this process before. I didn't even know where to begin to find a bails bondsman. I called a family friend and without hesitation, she came to sit with me for a while. She waited just in case there were any updates about my husband while I went to the ATM to get bail money. Money we had just put in our savings account. Money we needed. Money I was thankful to have at a time like this.

When I returned, I was told that my husband was being released soon. I waited another 40 minutes before I saw him slowly walk over to me. There was something in his eyes. He was defeated. He was angry. He was sad. I noticed that he was carrying his shoe strings. We hugged for a long time. I don't remember ride home. It was after 2 am when we finally got home. He had bruises from the handcuffs. They served as reminders days after the whole ordeal. He made a video of his experience and his feelings about being wrongfully arrested before we went to bed. I barely slept. My body had just experienced a full on traumatic experience while I was in the middle of an Endo flare. There are no words to express what my body and brain endured that day and the months following.

This was the day I knew my endo was real."

Words from Mrs. Kelly Collins, CP-ICD

Birth & Postpartum Doula, Fitness & Family Consultant

Owner of Best of Both Worlds Doula Services

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